i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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