I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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