dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
