Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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