That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
