In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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