i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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