Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Randomize
