There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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