I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize