Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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