I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize