I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
