My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
