Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
