If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
