Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
