: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
