How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
