Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
