took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I need a beard to bite.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
