Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
