you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
