Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
this will be a night to untag.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
