Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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