My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
