Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
