so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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