so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
