you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
