Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
