the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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