We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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