it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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