And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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