the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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