My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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