lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
