The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
