i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
