Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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