You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
