I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize