I just threw up on my dentist
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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