just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
