I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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