my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
