but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
