I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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