Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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