Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
