found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
