Your face is a jimmy john
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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