I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
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