Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
