At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
