just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
