I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I know her cup size but not her name....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
