Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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