Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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