dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
