Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
