R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just saw a hot homeless man
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
