I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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