Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
