So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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