she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
