I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
