Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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