hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
